So, I'm back home... I'll probably write about my visit at Annalee's in another post. It was great to spend time with her! I also got to see Bella and Amanda today, and Kaitlin earlier in the week. =)

( Kay... I definitely did something like this before, but... I'm doing it again. O.o )


Oh yeah. And those of you added by a mysterious new username? That's the journal I'll be switching to. Eventually. I'll make a post when I'm actually switching... silly, I know. But I don't want this paid account to go to waste. D:

♡ the 『feel good』 anonymous meme ☆ﾐ


I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL, AHAHAHA. Partially because I'm excited and partly because my sleep cycle is fucked. I'll be alright though... nothin' wrong with falling asleep in the car. ...seeing as how I do that anyway. o_o No, not driving. *snort*

Yahooo~ Off to Annalee's for a week. Though she has internet access, so it's not like I won't be online at all... and wurrrd, Kaitlin's going to visit us sometime during the week, so that too is something to look forward to! :3

KCIAO.

...I kind of want to read Twilight. >.>

( Meme, not youyou. :3 )

I am back from a lurvely visit at James' house. I didn't get teary when I left this time, I think because I know I'll see him in July whereas last time I was leaving, I didn't think I'd get to see him again until August! :O The time I spent with him this weekend was very delightful. *GNAWS LOVES HIM TO BITS* :3

I plan on visiting my grandmother and my dad between this and next week. I also want to find out how Steph's managing at Middlebury. It must be tough not being able to speak English for 9 weeks, and Japanese isn't exactly the easiest language to be completely limited to without prior background in it. XD She's good at languages though, so I think she'll have fun.

Steph and I were just reminiscing about the good ol' generic surveys people used to post on LJ or forward through emails. :D

( Lololol. )

My father apparently thought that it'd be a good idea to tell my older half-sister that I'm his favorite.

Visited grandmaw and great-aunt today. It was good times, even though their cats make me sneeze.

I had ice cream twice today. @_@ *cries*

Tomorrow I have an eye doctor appointment. :\ Buggerrrr.

Sunday I'm going with Melissa and Steph to NYC and probably meeting up with James there. <3

MY COMPUTER HAS BEEN ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH, LATELY.

Mmmmhm, odd entry.

Oh yeah, and this is what my hair looks like nowadays...when I straighten it. If I don't, it gets very silly (as you can see in the bottom picture of me and James). xD

( PIX. )

Just tried out a fairly new Japanese restauraunt in Waterbury. The place was DELICIOUS!!!! *_____* I had tonkatsu, miso soup, salad, and tempura green tea ice cream! :D Felt very much like being at Ichiban's, except the menu was just Japanese (although they had a couple of random French items. Oo)

X3 Waa, tummy happy~

( Long, but basic recap. )

I did get to talk to Annalee on the phone a few hours ago. I told her I'd try to come visit her... we just have to figure out when. It'd be nice to get away from the house again for a while. XD And I also really wanted to hang out with Annalee before I'm gone.

That subject's a shit load of sentence.

Anyway, my time in Long Island is drawing to a close~ Tomorrow I take the ferry back to Sadport and then return to Cran Land with the mom. I have plans to spend some time at my grandmother's soon so I can practice Japanese, cooking, and being useful without distraction; distraction being the internet. I also want to spend time with grandma and Gertie since I'll be gone next year.

Got to also meet up with Steph before she heads to Middlebury... and Remz, whenever she has free time. She's taking summer classes, but we can probably get together a few times before the end of the summer. I definitely want to see her before I leave. And Annalee, if possible. '~'

Oh. Yeah. I got the official acceptance from Kansai Gaidai. I'll be studying in Osaka next year for sure. James's dad keeps saying it's surreal, and it is. I don't think it'll actually register in my head that I'm gonna be away for a year until I'm on the plane in August, haha.

Still contemplating potential usernames to switch to. I'll probably also do that 100 Facts About Me meme I saw going around some time ago; yes, yes, I love talking about myself, I know. I also want to get around to catching up with all the journals I usually read and/or comment on. I saw a few entries of yours that I wanted to reply to and just didn't really have time to this week.

And finally, I'll clear more unnecessary junk out of the house when I get home... lots to do to keep my mind busy.

So all the grades I was worried about turned out to be B-. Yes, even Logic. This didn't even bring my GPA down to the 2's.

Japanese - A
EAS Research - B+
Space - B-
Logic - B-
STUMP - B-

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure how the fuck I pulled a B- (even with a curve) in Logic when I was worried about getting a D, but... no complaints here. >_> Must have been a giant curve, that's all.

Steph's coming over in a bit~ We're gonna attempt to clean the room I'm sleeping in until mom gets her shit out of my room. 8D

*SNEEZU*

Stomach hurts. Still not really tired, but I should get some sleep. The disappointment isn't helping. But that's not really the point of this entry... although I'm somewhat upset about a friend, I have other things on my mind.

It may sound silly, but I hardly feel I can write what's on my mind in here anymore. Partially because of who's on my friend list, and then also most of the content doesn't feel like it belongs here. So many times I've started to write things, only to think, "Wtf, that's too personal." or "Why the hell am I writing this? It's not at all important."

Now I realize: if it's important to me, it ought to be here. And I need to stop needlessly worrying about who might be reading.

But maybe I'm just blabbering sleepy nonsense.

I may not work over the summer after all... instead I'd be renovating the house (the interiors, fools. Do I look like an architect to you?). Yes, it started with my room, and then I told the mom that I was sick of our house looking like it does and that it needs to be cleared up and stuff so we can actually invite people over. To make a long story short, we then had a heart to heart talk that may or may not have made up for the last five to seven years of resentment between us...or maybe the resentment was just on my part. It's been lessening ever since I started college.

I admit I'm afraid that maybe the effort wouldn't be worth it. It'd be hard for someone to understand why unless they're Annalee or Remz. But I mean, maybe when I come back from Japan, everything will be as it is now; crap. And when I first got home, I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown over it. Because it's that ridiculous. And I think this entry is the most detailed if not clearest I've conveyed it thus far, but after I managed to get all my stuff upstairs, I completely flipped out. I wanted to make a difference, but I didn't know where to start. Talk about overwhelming...

I can't keep pretending it doesn't bother me; it's not an exaggeration. It doesn't define me, but it certainly reflects parts of me; why all this time I've been so hostile towards my mother, why I practically -lived- on the internet between 7th and 12th grade, why I'm sort of a neat freak and, when I'm not too lazy, obsessively organized. Why I'm very reluctant to invite friends over, why I avoided getting close to too many people in high school, why I'm painfully self-conscious...oh hell, the list is longer than I realized.

I don't even know if we'll be able to accomplish it all in one summer, just the two of us. She's better now that I've talked to her, but it's still difficult to get things accomplished while she's around... she gets sidetracked. But I have my hopes.

Self-delusion drives me crazy. And yet for so long, my mother and I have been fooling ourselves into thinking this lifestyle is acceptable, if not normal. She said she didn't have time and I always said I didn't have a problem, but the real issue was that I was too self-absorbed to help... and by the time I knew it, I always thought it was too late. And then I was so ashamed of myself, I just put the blame all on her.

So yeah... I'm more or less yearning for change. Maybe because for so long, life never really felt any different. A lot has happened but... it took coming home this summer for the majority to finally, truly click.

Also, because lately I don't really identify with tidfu anymore, I'm thinking of changing my username... if that happens, I'll just use the rename token feature. So, no worries about re-adding me and whatnot, though I might do a friends cut soon.

Anyway. I think I'll sleep for most of today, get some more unpacking and cleaning done in the evening, possibly go see the new Narnia movie with the mom tonight, and just... get used to being back in Cran Land.

One more blasted final to go. My roommate and I are gonna go meet with the Logic TA to review a little bit so we're all set for tomorrow. I shouldn't fail. I don't think I'll fail. I'm afraid of failing, because I really just want to get the math credit done and over with, but... at worst, I'll get a D. Or that's what I keep telling myself...

>_>; I do understand the material better than I have all semester. That's a good sign, isn't it?

Got into making icons a bit yesterday. I make a huge batch to post somewhere, considering I don't normally make icons anymore these days.

My boyfriend went home this morning! ;.; I was sad to see him go, but we're going to get to see each other at the end of this month (hopefully). When I get home, I wanna meet up with Remz and Steph and GET A JOB. >____> Yes, it's a bit late to be applying now, you don't need to tell me... but I'm going to do it anyway. e_e

I also have plans to redecorate my room. It's got so much old crap in it. Like Gloria Estefan (a poster, not the woman O_o).

Mm, Prince Capsian with Annalee tonight. She's actually letting me pay for her! :O

( Thoughts on this academic year (and a picture spam). )

This is a good song.

I got a B- in Space. ^^ The only other final I've done already was the EAS205 annotated bibliography... and... in that class I'm predicting for myself an A- or a B+. Then Place, Space and Landscape and Japanese are both on Monday (a half an hour apart... x_X). I plan to study for those this weekend and get a B or C in Stump's class and an A or A- in Japanese.

Then there's... Logic... >_>

I have to check with Annalee if the TA emailed her any further information about review sessions. I gave him my email but didn't get the first message from him


testtesttest :3 <- ...boyfriend. o_o

ANYWAY, yarrr, I really ought to go to a logic review session...or two, if there'll be two. I'd REALLY like to get a C in the class, but I'm expecting a D at best. *-* At this point, as long as I pass, I'll be happy. Then no more math credit to worry about. *glee*

I'm just particularly happy to know about my Space grade because I wasn't doing too well in that class in the beginning. And even now, a B- is not the A, but it's not the D either. :D

LETTERS LETTERS LETTERS

My thesis for the EAS205 annotated bibliography is awful. That's what happens when I don't plan ahead... honestly, the rest of the assignment is easy---well, finding the sources is a bit of a pain, but writing about them and citing them is cake. I just hope Fessler doesn't find my thesis too similar to the overall gist of my first source. I honestly came up with it from reading something different entirely... and while it isn't similar enough to my first source to be considered plagiarism, I'm sort of paranoid right now.

Ah well. I'll finish citing the crap I wanted to get done today and then worry about editing the thesis tomorrow. I know, I know. It's supposed to be the other way around, but fuck it, I'm not going to stress myself out anymore.

Yesterday the mom came up to go to the Study Abroad and Japan orientations at my school. James's parents came too, and they got to meet her. They seemed to get along, although at first I thought my mom might have frightened James's mom a bit with her blabbering. >___> I had to run up to my room quick as she was coming to the tower, so I didn't get to introduce them... and James's mom had this "O_O" look on her face when I got out of the elevator. o.o But dinner with all of them was really nice, so I probably just imagined it. My mother's a weirdo. I guess I just have to accept that other people might actually accept that.

Stomach...killing me... >_> Can't get up yet though. Nope, gonna get through two or three more sources for this blasted bibliography. I suppose I should study Japanese tomorrow. Though in all likelihood, I'll probably end up playing iRO.

Fuck you, by the way, those of you who don't play. O.o Abandoning me to people I don't know who suck up to my priestess because they want halp!11 leveling. '^' Nawww, the game's fun. I'm an addict. It's sad that no one from my old guild really plays anymore though. Nya is around, but she's got her own friends. And the only person I really play with is Tam, but she's busy a lot. So that leaves the two people I sort of befriended, but one of them reminds me of a certain someone and I want to die every time he catches me in Louyang. D: Not even five minutes after I met him, I was informed that he plays guitar, his family is dead, and he likes to stalk mages for leeching purposes. Okay, so that last one is just my own finding. >> I'M A MEAN PERSON, I KNOW. Maybe his family is dead, I don't know. But the way he worded it. I guffawed. D:

"yea i'm a pretty nice guy, cept for when anyone says shit about my family. i'd kill them, no matter who they are. i'm not talking about the 'yer mom' stuff, but nobody gets away with talking bad about my family. you just don't talk crap about the dead, you know?"

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't get that personal with someone I don't know and -just- met via an MMORPG. o____o Not to mention, I said nothing about his or my family. WHY EVEN BRING THAT UP... >_> *fails to understand people*

BAAACK PAAAINNNSSSSSS, IT'S THE KIDNEYYYYYYYS...

I keep trying to get Annalee to either watch the Zettai Kareshi drama or the Itazura na Kiss anime with me, but every time I've asked, she's been busy. D: I finally found a drama and an anime I can get into, but it's more fun to watch them with other people. X_x Which just makes me realize how boring this summer is going to be. Hopefully it won't be a winter break repeat.

Bah, so much else I wanted to write about, but I really should get back to the bibliography. =\ In closing, AAAAAAHHHHHHHH TALL PEOPLE.

Yes, I did just download iRO for the 15 free days all for taking their Veteran survey. *snicker*

>_> What?

I'm so happyyyy... I don't have to present my Japanese speech until next week! All because my class is awesome. D: *fails to provide a clearer reason*

:3 Hophop.

Why do I feel miserable? I could think of a couple of reasons. One of them solvable, the other not so much. I'm sure I'll be fine once James gets back here. His absence has nothing to do with why I feel crappy, but him being around would certainly make me feel better.

I just want to be honest with people. To tell them what they mean to me without it being a bad or awkward thing. But some part of me prevents it. To be hopelessly self-conscious and equally sentimental is a difficult thing.

I don't want to get into specifics. I don't want to reveal what minor thing led me to being so upset. One thought just leads to another, one emotion to another, and before I can even connect the two, I'm alone in my room, half-wishing I could cry to someone and yet grateful that nobody's here.

Stump posted the grades for exam 2 already... he said they might get changed after he himself looks over the answer sheets, but right now, I apparently scored a B-. Not bad. I plan to do much better on the final if I want a better average in that class... but it's a lot better than I thought I would do. Now this truly means the only class I have to worry about is Logic, which I have to leave for in about 10 minutes.

My dad is visiting this weekend!!! XD I'm excited and a little nervous... 'cause my aunt is coming with him, and possibly her husband. My dad doesn't always get along with his sister, so I just hope they don't fight while they're here. And I hope he doesn't say anything embarrassing to James. X___x

In other news, Albany has warmed up quite a bit this week. ^^ It's nice walkin' outside without a coat. I have not got the official acceptance from Kansai yet, but I'm supposed to hear sometime this month. Then I can worry about everything else study abroad related... so much to do, not gonna think about it right now. @_@

Off to class. 8D

God, I'm grumpy. *kicks exams*